Honee gives Anissa a big chop

"You Just Come Across My Mind"

I just was thinking about some things, reminicsing of my single days what I did, how I spent my days and more importantly how I loved myself, how I showed self love.  I can remember most Friday night's hanging with one of my closest girl friends making our weekend stop for our catfish and fried oyster dinner at O'quinn's; stopping by the liquor store to get our drink coming back after cruising downtown by the water reliving events in our lives that got us where we were.  We both had just recently divorced and we knew we couldn't afford to let go and give the power we had over to the situation.  We spent many days laughing, crying feeling like a penny with a hole in  it, listening to Teena Marie, Jill Scott, Stevie Wonder, Donald Byrd and Minnie Ripperton.  For us it clarified that love was not lost but gained or recyled.  You see the lesson through all of the time spent reliving, re-hashing memories is that nothing is ever lost just returned to the original owner.  We became conscious of the fact that we had put love, time, patience, and devotion into everyone and everything but us.  We were shown that we had self love but we had not guarded it selfishly but rather unselfishly.  We had to learn the number one rule all over again, Self Preservation.  Taking care of self comes first, everything else is secondary.  When you learn to love you more than you love another you nurture the essence of who you are, you nurture your spirit and soul and then it is manifest throughout your body.  You begin to smile more, laugh more, see and witness to how beautiful and magnificent we are truly made.  You begin to understand the importance of me time, whether it's through a hot bubble bath/long soak, cleaning your place while playing your favorite jams Maysa, Incognito "Step into my life", sipping your favorite wine just feeling good for know good reason at all! Enjoying a summer breeze blowing through your window or the jazz festival downtown being there feeling every detail that's going on and enjoying it, truly enjoying you loving you.  That's what's up. Finally you play your last song for the day " I forgive You"  Rachelle Farrell and then you know: get busy loving you, forgiveness has been granted for placing everyone, everybody and everything before you.  The only significant one that comes before you is your heavenly father, everything else must take a back seat kids included cause get this, if you really think you could love them and nurture them without first loving you and nurturing you, not only are you doing self disservice but you are truly depriving them of a beautiful mom, wife and friend who knows the importance of self love.  I can only be  to you what I first am to myself.  So as I end this journey of reminiscing, I urge you to reflect, soul search and if you have been found guilty of this charge, pay your debt for your freedom of self love, self respect, self assurance, self awarenes, self reliance and finally self esteem.  I hope we all take note that the more we get in tune with the spirit within we will leave the spirit of doubt outside.  So get ready, party first with yourself and then you will party better with others.  The challenge for the summer is to get to know yourself, what you like, your talents or gifts, who you are and what you are about. Most importantly, don't be afraid to be alone.  It is when we are alone we are quiet, inquisitive about self, reflective, open and visited by the presence of the holy spirit.
Remember,
Travel lite,Travel free,Travel true
Be Well
April Ray
(c) 2009

TRANSFORMATION: More Than Meets The Eye

You know it is said through wisdom comes much sorrow, I have found this out to be true. Without an understanding, it is impossible to truly comprehend what it takes to endure a transformation. Last summer, I was given a special gift from one of my closest friends. Actually it was her daughter Lauren that inspired my friend to purchase this gift for me. You see Lauren is brilliant, inquisitive, filled with art and quirkiness, and in some of these qualities that she possesses she is also filled with the desire to "know".

Now Lauren is a small child around 8 or 9 years old and in Lauren's thirst for knowledge, they both Mic & Lauren, decided to teach me the most beautiful, valuable lesson that one could obtain.

They decided to purchase me a caterpillar. With this new purchase unbeknown st to me, I would soon discover how to properly care for a caterpillar until it's time of transformation. Oh I was nervous pervous. I didn't like creepy things that crawled around or creepy things that remained grounded, I didn't like creepy things period. I only like beautiful things, "Dolce Vita," in other words a sweet life; free from bugs, pests & drama.

Now what I didn't know was this, it is an unbalanced life but I was sure to be taught this lesson from a child's eyes.

Now this caterpillar lived inside a small box. This would be his home for 4 weeks.

My instructions would be simple. I would have to place a little food in it's cup, a slice of an orange is what I fed it. Now this was not every day, I first had to let the caterpillar go through it's stages; that was difficult for me because by nature I'm very impatient. The caterpillar lived in a cup for the first couple of weeks and it remained there until it began to crystallize. Once crystallized, I would then have to remove the caterpillar from the cup leaving it lying solely in the box. I remember watching it before this process, it was fat and crawling around slowly, going from one side to the other. Some days it seemed as if it barely moved.

Now inside the box, it was a butterfly carving at the top so the caterpillar could receive air or oxygen. The air it breathed was as vitally important as the house it lived in. Lauren had instructed me earlier that it would take a few weeks for the caterpillar to crystallize. It needed to feed off of what was in the cup in order to go through the glorious process. So I watched daily, peeking inside the box, seeing if I saw any changes. Sometimes I was brave enough to even open the box to get a closer glimpse. Days & nights passed and they began to turn into weeks. My caterpillar had gotten through the first course of it's process. The second course would be for it to form into a crystallized state and build a shell around it's body. This would be it's new body until it's final transformation.

When I think of it, it's a lot like life. We start out just as the caterpillar. A little bug in our mommy's tummy changing daily, growing and getting stronger. We also have a crystallized look, or clear look rather see through, we are then born into our new life with everything having been prepared for us. We live and then we await our final transformation which is death, for a more glorious body, eternal... yet to live again.

Now don't get scared on me, it's a beautiful thing when we can see the process of life. Just like a baby being cooked in the womb for 9 months, I had to await for the caterpillar to undergo its' change.

Oh I could hardly wait, everyday I rushed in looking inside the box. I had gotten braver, still no change had been made. At this time I placed the sliced orange inside the box. I didn't quite understand but I went ahead and followed my friends instructions.

What I didn't know or realize was that the caterpillar would use the orange to suck the nectar out or nutrients while he was a butterfly. This nectar nourished his entire body strengthening it, and strengthening it's wings to prepare him to take flight.

One Saturday afternoon, I got a call from my husband telling me that the caterpillar had successfully undergone his change. HALLELUYAH!!

I was so excited I rushed right home thinking yes!, this process is almost over with. Just as soon as I get home I could free him.

Now in the back of my mind I could hear Lauren's voice saying " you have to wait until the 1st warmest day of the month before you let him go." My heart was crushed. You mean after all this time I still couldn't set my butterfly free? I still had to wait, this time on mother nature and hell, how long would that be? Oh you know I'm not one for patience! Well, I soon was about to gain some.

Now after the phone call from my husband, I realized... fool, the nectar is what gives him his strength, he still has to prepare his wings for flight. No sooner than I had that revelation I was allowed to calm down and become patient. After all, this was the most important part of the chapter of his life: ENDURANCE.

First, the caterpillar had to feed on it's surroundings then take in internally the food & nutrients, to later crystallize or hibernate until it's next change.

What I realized is that life is about the struggle before the triumph.

See, one has to be prepared for endurance. You can't just jump up at life thinking you're ready to take flight. Life will drop you down cold, fast & hard if you have no strength in your wings. All we get from life is a glimpse of things. A glimpse of struggle, a glimpse of sorrow, a glimpse of joy a glimpse of happiness. The true gift is to rejoice in the change, rejoice in the struggle. We sit back looking everyday just as I did hoping to see some kind of change, not realizing change is constantly happening that you can't see and you won't realize it until the end, until your next phase of life or your next transformation.

What I had to learn is through wisdom comes much sorrow. When you stretch to grow, others around you may not be stretching for growth or change. Some may even harbor jealousy, envy or malice. You have to let them go. Free them, free you from their negativity, free yourself from misery and all her company. This is where the sorrow comes because you lose a lot of friends along the way.

Life is about discovery. You discover just as the butterfly, you must be able to dwell alone. There are changes you need to make alone. There are dreams you need to conquer alone. There is life you need to seek alone. There is peace you need within, alone. Everyone that seeks transformation unconsciously seeks struggle, suffering, adversity, growth and change. There is no short route to take and no fast ride to get you there. You must submit your life, your hopes and dreams to the creators will.

What I learned from the butterfly is this: You're not going to get anywhere before it's time. Struggle is necessary. If you can't endure the struggle how can you endure the flight? The struggle prepares you for the flight. Sometimes you feel as though your life is stuck inside a little box, lacking oxygen or air to breath. As you despertately try and regain inspiration, you then realize you don't control anything. Most times there is a greater lesson through life and it's many ups and downs. These lessons prepare you for your journey, your dreams, your reward, your change. Life isn't always sweet, nor is it always pleasant. One must learn to take the bitter with the sweet and when life throws you nothing but lemons, make lemonade. Now what I didn't know was that every thing good is not good for you. In order to create balance you must experience both good and bad.

I watched that caterpillar daily, just as others watch your life daily. They don't necessarily see a change but the process is still going on, the change is in the rest. It's been said a watched pot never boils. When I stopped watching and went on about my daily business the caterpillar had under gone it's change. You've got to keep on keeping on. Change is near, you blink and it's here. Others will get a glimpse of your true beauty, it's just a process before it's revealed.

Now, the warmest day had come, I was ready to let the butterfly go. He was beautiful! Brightly colored, and glorious. He had shed his old body. He had now gained the strength to take flight. I had gained a knowledge & understanding. Soon I would witness one of life's great mysteries: Transformation. From this, I learned to let go, I learned to rest, I learned humility, & obedience. I learned to exercise patience, I learned to share knowledge, I learned to watch. I learned to tarry, I learned struggle is only a glimpse; there is a more glorious state ahead if you just endure.

I learned you can't watch you grow, others must witness to your growth and the most valuable lessons of all, I learned just as the butterfly to taste life, take flight and be free.

Be Well

April Ray